Now that I have read all three books of Fifty Shades of Grey, twice, and nobody in my house has had anything to eat for at least two weeks, I have decided to leave my husband for Christian Grey.

First of all, as pornography goes, or “erotica” as this is called, it actually wasn’t that good. FYI: If you are going to be my fantasy man, I do not want to have sex seven times a day. Really, I am good with two or three solid rolls in the hay, after which I will probably want a nap.

However, there are some very compelling reasons why Christian Grey was the best sex I ever had, and why if he shows up at my door, my husband is in trouble. Men, take note:

1. Ladies first. And second. Almost every time, he was a gentleman in the sack. Love that.
2. The R8. OMG! He gives Ana a white Audi R8 for her birthday. He had me at vrooooom.
3. The staff, especially Mrs. Jones. If I never had to make dinner again, I’d be delighted.
4. The publishing company. No more fussy editors or dealing with Amazon.com.
5. The house in Aspen. This would be very handy for a Colorado family.

However, the main reason I will probably not run off with Mr. Christian Grey is, he’s not George Clooney. And everyone knows I am saving myself for him.

Michelle Berman Marchildon is the Yogi Muse. She’s an award-winning journalist, a former corporate executive and a survivor of 50+ years of life. Known as the “Erma Bombeck of the Mat,” Michelle is the author of the memoir “Finding More on the Mat: How I Grew Better, Wiser and Stronger through Yoga,” and a Columnist for Elephant Journal and Origin Magazine.  She is an E-500 RYT with Yoga Alliance and teaches Aligned Vinyasa in Denver, Co. Even though she is uber-fabulous, she is NOT an Ambassador for Lululemon, and has been promised she will never be one. You can take her with you on your computer or I-thing by downloading her classes from www.yogadownload.com.