Yoga Abuse of a Different Kind

There was this one time when I was in a yoga workshop and I couldn’t quite do a handstand. I was recovering from a partial knee replacement, and my leg couldn’t straighten.

And my other knee was also a mess because it needed to be replaced. So why I’m trying to do a handstand is a good question. But nevertheless, I hopped up to a hobbled sort of handstand.

And then, from across the room another student noticed I was struggling. She thoughtfully called out:

OH MY GOD MICHELLE THAT’S A TERRIBLE HANDSTAND.

For good measure she added, “You are supposed to straighten your legs and your legs are not straight.”

I replied, “Thank you,” which is yoga for f*ck you. She would know that if she read my book.

Shutting Up is Hard to Do

I don’t know what is being taught in yoga these days, but kindness needs to be on the agenda.

We actually spend a good deal of time on kindness in my yoga trainings and how to give feedback in a way that is constructive. When people feel attacked, they don’t often grow from the experience. They shut down.

“It’s an aspect of consent,” said my teacher and friend, Christina Sell, on a social media post about these uber-helpful people who offer unsolicited advice.

If a person expressly gives consent or asks for advice about their practice, then by all means tell them that their handstand sucks. You can also add observations about their diet, body weight, raising their children, exercise or appearance. Those examples happen to come from the things I’ve received unsolicited advice about.

But if someone does not expressly ask for your opinion, then you need to be quiet. I know, it’s hard for me too, especially since (I’m sure) I know everything. But here’s the thing: advice, though well-intended, is actually harmful. It is judgment. By giving your two cents on someone’s pose, you have violated their space and the sanctity of their practice. There’s also a small, teeny-tiny chance that you are wrong.

Therefore, I hope you take this to heart when I offer you some unsolicited advice: If you want to share the wealth of your experience, please shut up. In most cases, those poor souls will learn on their own, and in their own time, someday.

You’re welcome.

Michelle Marchildon is the Yogi Muse. She’s the author of four books on yoga, most recently a collection of yoga themes called “Theme Weaver: A Companion Workbook to Plan Yoga Classes.”